(Yes, of course, you can sit at the big table. Now, how about the Secret Santa?)
This is what stress is like in HR: First open enrollment, and then the end-of-year holidays that can land a visit from the EEOC or a process server or — JACKPOT — both. Just think of what your colleagues in compliance are doing:
- Calculating how few drinks can be served and still call it a festive event;
- Asking each other if putting a menorah on a Christmas tree covers the diversity issue;
- Deciding if the Secret Santa limit be upped to $20;
- Wondering what to do about Kwanzaa.
- See the chart.
- No. Just skip the whole tree thing. It’s a big pain, and a fire hazard anyway;
- Yes, but make sure you put last names and departments on slips. I got cheated out of my gift when some dope only put “John” on the papers. There were two of us. I was a VP. The other one was the boss. Guess who got two gifts. (Yes, still bitter after all these years.)
- See #2.
So I did, only to discover I was still dreaming. Nothing matched my pretty broad job preference. (I kept picking the “anything” category.)
So I dream on. As I once told Jason Davis, if you come across a job that requires no particular effort or skills, pays incredibly well and offers an expense account, I’m your man. Turns out there were several here in Southern California, but you have to get elected.
Maybe my Secret Santa will get me one.
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